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Thing is, right, it’s a gamble. Some prossies are legends – proper pros – others? Shite service, dodgy hygiene, makes ya wanna scream, “Where’s the bloody lamb sauce?!” One time, I’m with this chick, she’s half-arsed, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m the night, I deserve better!” Kicked her out, mate, no regrets. You gotta know the game – punters get stung cos they’re thick as pig shit. Me? I’m sharp, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, I don’t settle for crap!

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Finally, I manage to calm things down. I’m feeling pretty good about myself, right? But then, I step outside, and it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is just perfect.”

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