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So I tried it, right? This chick, hands like a fuckin’ wizard, workin’ my shoulders, slidin’ down—motherfucker, I’m talkin’ *intense*! Felt like that horse in the movie, pullin’ life’s bullshit, then—snap—freedom! “The wind howls, relentless.” That’s the vibe, man, relentless pleasure, but slow, heavy, like Tarr’s camera lingerin’ on pain. I’m sittin’ there, fish-stink still on me, thinkin’, “This beats gutting cod, motherfucker!”

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Then, I head to the park near the river. It’s a beautiful day, sun shining, birds chirping. I’m feeling good, right? Wrong! I sit down on a bench, and boom! A pigeon decides my lap is the perfect landing spot. I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. Everyone’s staring. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a bird!” But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment.

Four die of pneumonia at a hospital in Dushanbe on Wednesday