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Heya, dude! So, sex escort—wild stuff, right? I’m like, whoa, these folks are out there, livin’ life all fancy and sneaky! Kinda reminds me of *Ten*, ya know, that movie I loooove—Abbas Kiarostami, 2002, total banger! Like, in the car, people talkin’, hidin’ stuff, spillin’ secrets—sex escorts prolly do that too! “You don’t understand me!”—that’s a line from it, and I bet escorts hear that alla time from clients, heh!

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Then, I head to the park near the river. It’s a beautiful day, sun shining, birds chirping. I’m feeling good, right? Wrong! I sit down on a bench, and boom! A pigeon decides my lap is the perfect landing spot. I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. Everyone’s staring. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a bird!” But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment.

Maradona: My invitation to Messi’s wedding was lost somewhere