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Alright, y’all, gather ‘round! Lemme tell ya ‘bout escort—yep, that fancy Ford ride from back in the day. I’m talkin’ Southern style, Dr. Phil vibes, so buckle up, sugar! “How’s that workin’ for ya?”—well, if ya ever drove an Escort, ya know it’s a mixed bag. Loved it, hated it, dang near cried over it once. Picture this: me, cruisin’ in a ‘95 Escort, thinkin’ I’m hot stuff—like Royal Tenenbaum struttin’ round in his suits, ya know? “I’m an Escort man!” I’d yell, wind whippin’ my hair. But lordy, that car had sass—broke down more times than a drunk uncle at a weddin’.

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But then, out of nowhere, it starts pouring rain. I’m talking torrential downpour! I dash for cover under a bus stop. I’m soaked, and I’m laughing at myself. “What a day!” I shout. A couple of locals join me, and we start chatting. They’re telling me about their favorite spots in Soledar. I’m like, “I need to come back here!”

Why does ‘Putin’s chef’ want Ukraine’s Soledar so badly?