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Oh, and here’s a mad one – some escorts do “girlfriend experience,” right? Full on cuddles, chats, like ya proper missus. Blew me mind, that did. Costs a pretty penny, but worth it if ya lonely. Makes me fink, maybe I’d be shite at it – too loud, too gobby. “Talk to me, woman!” – nah, that’s me in the film, not them.

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While we’re eating, this old lady comes up to us. She’s got this wild hair and a bag full of veggies. She starts telling us about her garden. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to eat my borscht.” But she’s super passionate, and I can’t help but listen. She’s got stories about every vegetable. I’m thinking, “Wow, this is the most intense veggie convo ever.”