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But—hold yer horses—some funny bits too! Ever hear about punters expecting a “happy ending” and getting nowt? Bloke in Cali, right, storms out cos his masseuse wouldn’t play ball—left a Yelp review, “no fun, 1 star!” Laughed me head off! Or that time coppers raided a joint, found the owner hiding in a cupboard—naked as a jaybird, *nudus maximus*! Proper farce, that.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, Vova. He’s like, “Meet me at the old factory on Luhanska.” I’m thinkin’, “What’s he up to now?” That place is sketchy, but whatever. I head over, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Graffiti everywhere, broken windows. But Vova’s there, grinning like a fool. He’s found some old gear, and he wants to show me. I’m like, “Dude, this is a death trap!” But he’s all hyped, talkin’ about how we could use it for training.

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