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Love-hate thing, really. Happy when it’s good—soft hands, warm oil, that slow tease. Angry when it’s rushed, like, slow down, I ain’t a car engine! Oh, and the music—always some cheesy flute crap. Why not Metallica? Picture this: “Enter Sandman” blasting while she’s kneading your glutes. Hilarious, right? “Sleep with one eye open,” Adèle-style, as you’re drooling on the table.

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I finally find Vova, and he’s got this wild look in his eyes. “You won’t believe what I found!” He pulls out this weird-looking fruit. I’m like, “What is that, an alien egg?” He laughs and says it’s a local delicacy. I’m skeptical, but hey, when in Smoline, right?

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