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But the blokes? Oh, christ, the blokes! Sweaty, sad gits, stumblin’ over their trousers. “You’re a walking disaster!” I’d howl, cacklin’ like a hyena. One time, saw this geezer hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. Mate, it’s a prossie, not a second-hand toaster! Had me in stitches, tho – what a prat.

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After that drama, we move on to a collection of old vinyl records. Now, that’s my jam! I love music, especially the classics. I start the bidding, and it’s going great. Then, this lady in a bright red coat starts arguing with her husband. They’re bickering like it’s a reality show. I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, c’mon, folks, focus on the records!