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Favorite bit? When the masseuse goes all stealth, hits them secret spots—ooh, shivers! Pro tip: dim lights, funky tunes, maybe some incense—sets the mood, baby! Ever tried it with a bird—or bloke—after a rough day? Magic. “I’m the boss now,” I’d say, struttin’ outta there, feelin’ invincible. But—dig this—Victorian prudes banned it, called it “sinful.” Buncha stiffs! Surprised me, tho—thought they’d dig a cheeky rub.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Oleg popped in. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he was ranting about how he saw a cat chase a pigeon down by the river. I mean, who cares, right? But the way he told it, you’d think it was a blockbuster movie. I laughed so hard, I almost forgot about the grumpy old man.

Kyiv region: Russians shell a checkpoint in Slavutych, the city is now blockaded