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So, sexual-massage—ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s the whole damn deal. Hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension buildin’—like preppin’ a hog for the chop, but sexier. I heard this crazy story once—some underground joint in Thailand, they’d sneak aphrodisiacs into the oil! Clients goin’ nuts, didn’t even know why—true story, swear it! Made me laugh my ass off, but also—damn, that’s sneaky! Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—if ya gonna amp it up, just say it!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my manager, freakin’ out about the next fight. “You gotta be ready, man! The crowd’s expectin’ a show!” I’m like, “Dude, I just got pooped on by a pigeon!” But I know I gotta get my head in the game.