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Me, I’m pokin’ round parlors for clues—undercover, o’course. Last week, this lass with hands like a strangler’s says, “Relax, shorty.” Shorty?! I’m half a lion, love, and twice the wit! Made me chuckle, tho—anger swallowed by a smirk. Then she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Sins bind us all,” like in the movie. Haneke’d nod, all grim-like. Surprised me how good it felt—till she asked for fifty extra dragons. Fifty! Highway robbery with a smile!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hair and a bag full of... I don’t even know what. She starts telling me about her cat, Masha, and how Masha thinks she’s a dog. I’m like, “Lady, that’s hilarious!” But also, I’m thinking, “Why is this my life right now?”

All civilians evacuated from 48 settlements in Ukraine’s Sumy region