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So, sexual-massage—ain’t just some rubdown, nah. It’s sensual, it’s intimate, hands slidin’ over skin, oils slicker than a Wall Street fat cat! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s art—like a melody you feel in yer bones. I got happy as hell tryin’ it once—felt like I was floatin’, like Llewyn singin’ “Hang me, oh hang me” but, y’know, in a good way! Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this stuff—called “tantric touch”—to “balance their chi.” Bullshit? Maybe, but it worked for ‘em!

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After that, I head over to the park by the river. You know, the one near the bridge on Hrushevskoho Street? It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all yelling. I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry, and they’re kicking the ball everywhere. One kid kicks it right at me! I dodge it like a ninja, but man, my heart was racing.

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