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Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” Me? I’d rather watch Fincher’s flick again—Zuck’s sweaty nerd vibes over some creepy masseuse any day. Last time, this chick’s hands were colder than a server crash—made me jump like, “What the hell, fam?!” She’s all, “Relax, big guy,” but I’m fumin’, thinkin’, “You don’t get a billion friends with icy mitts!”

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After that caffeine disaster, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? The Dniester River flows through, and it’s pretty chill. I’m walking along, feeling the vibe, when I see this group of kids playing football. They’re all hyped, shouting and laughing. I’m like, “Aww, youth!” But then, one of them kicks the ball, and it comes flying straight at me. I barely dodge it! I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice!

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