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Humor, hah! Guy bragged, “I’m a sex god!”—lasted 2 minutes. Sarcasm flows—sex-dating’s “deep connections,” my ass! Little story, true it be—friend matched his cousin, awkward as fuck! X posts I’ve seen, “DTF?”—subtle they ain’t. Web says 1 in 5 hookups start online now—wild, huh?

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Isis has claimed its first terror attack on Russian soil after two supporters attempted to murder police officers near Moscow.

Finally, I get to my shop, and guess what? My first customer is this dude, Viktor. He’s got these ancient boots that look like they’ve been through a war. I mean, they’re practically begging for mercy. I’m like, “Dude, what happened to these?” He shrugs and says, “I walked to the market.” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you need a car, not a cobbler!”