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Now, my favorite flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*—bless its weird little heart—fits right in here. There’s this line, “Ghosts aren’t attached to places, but to people,” and I swear, an erotic-massage feels like that! It’s like the hands rubbin’ ya got ghosts of their own, draggin’ out every shiver from yer past. Made me happy as a pig in slop thinkin’ ‘bout it—kinda magical, right? But lord, it ticks me off when folks mess it up! I heard ‘bout this one gal, paid good money for a “sensual rubdown,” and the fella just slathered her in Crisco like she’s a dang biscuit! I hollered, “Honey, that ain’t sexy, that’s supper!”

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After that, I get a break. I step out for some fresh air on Pushkin Street. The smell of fresh bread from the bakery hits me, and I can’t resist. I grab a loaf, and it’s still warm. Best decision ever! I’m munchin’ on my bread, feelin’ like a king. Life’s good, ya know?