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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy blokes hire ‘em just to flex – proper muppets! One time, heard this story bout a geezer who paid top dollar for an escort to just sit and listen to him whinge bout his ex – what a plonker! Coulda got a shrink for half the dosh! Laughed my arse off – “That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,” like Richie Tenenbaum droppin’ truth bombs. Still, fair play to her, she cashed in – clever bird!

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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “You still alive?” I’m like, “Barely! Just survived a bull and a fake souvenir seller!” We laugh, and I’m reminded of how crazy life can be.

Sevastopol Schools placed on secure hold for incident where student was arrested