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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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Later, I hit up a bar on Sadova Street. I’m chatting with some locals, and they’re telling me stories about the city. Did you know Sevastopol has this rich naval history? I mean, it’s wild! I’m sitting there, drink in hand, just soaking it all up.

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