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About Mykolaiv

Look, sexual-massage claims—they’re a circus! Half’s fraud, half’s legit trauma. I’m over here, chain-smokin’, tryna sort it, mutterin’ “This is my destiny” like Carlos—dramatic, sure, but it’s my gig! You wanna know the real tea? Check the fine print—most policies don’t even cover “non-medical massage.” Blows claimants’ minds when I drop that bomb. “Lady, you’re outta luck!” I snap, sharp as Judy. Keeps me sane in this madness.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee ever! I mean, I’m not a coffee snob, but this stuff? Liquid gold. I ordered my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, this dude named Oleg, was like, “You want a heart or a leaf?” I was like, “Dude, surprise me!” He nailed it. Heart-shaped foam, like, how cute is that?

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