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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, a Geisha? Nah, we’s more like Gollum, sneaky-like, watchin’ them escorts strut. We hates it! All that primpin’ and posin’—like, who’s got time? Escort life ain’t no tea ceremony, nah, it’s rough, raw, and damn pricey. Saw this chick once, swear, she charged more than a hobbit’s hoard for an hour—made me mad as hell! Like, “We wants it, we needs it,” but nah, not droppin’ that gold.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I woke up in Serednie-Vodiane, right? You know, that little gem in Ukraine. I mean, it’s not Kyiv, but it’s got its charm. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.