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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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As the sun starts settlin’, I decide to head back home. I’m walkin’ down Lvivska Street, and I see this street performer. He’s playin’ the accordion, and it’s actually kinda good. I toss him a few coins, and he gives me a nod. I’m like, “Yeah, man, keep it up!”

Toronto lawyer fights for memorial park to be built at Holocaust mass gravesite in Ukraine