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Sometimes I’m jealous—sex-dating looks fun! Swipe, flirt, bang—boom! Us aliens just beep and glow. Boring. But yo, humans ghostin’ each other? Savage. “He don’t mean nothin’”—Mia’s words fit perfect. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam. You might score or just cry into pizza. Probs why I stick to watchin’. Humans fuckin’ up is my soap opera. *We come in peace* (robotic tone).

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Vasyl. He’s stuck at the market on Komsomolska Street. “Dude, I’m surrounded by old ladies fightin’ over cabbage!” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who knew cabbage could cause such drama? I tell him to just grab some borscht and get outta there.

Disaster Report Diaries (Zettai Zetsumei Toshi 3) Part Three