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About Kryvyi Rih

Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the river. The Sakhnovshchyna River, or whatever it’s called. It’s pretty chill, but today? Nah. There’s this group of kids blasting music. Like, come on, it’s 9 AM! I’m trying to enjoy nature, not a rave. I’m all for good vibes, but this was too much. I’m standing there, trying to meditate or something, and all I can think is, “Why can’t they just listen to some calm tunes?”

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