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Favorite part? The tease, man. It’s all slow-burn, edge-of-the-seat vibes—*Leviathan* style, where tension’s thick as vodka soup. “You’re a walking dead man,” movie says—nah, sexual-massage says you’re alive, rebooted, meme-lord supreme. Pro tip: Find someone who gets the pressure right—too soft, it’s a snooze; too hard, you’re screamin’ like a Falcon 9 abort. Oh, and the oils? Smellin’ like alien botanicals—surprised me, thought it’d be all hippie crap.

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So, I finally get to the fields, and it’s a beautiful day. Sun’s shining, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good, ready to harvest some grain. But then, bam! My combine starts acting up. The engine’s sputtering like it’s got a hangover. I’m like, “Seriously? Today of all days?”

At least nine dead in Russian air strikes on two Ukrainian cities