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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: you’re tense, muscles screamin’, and some fancy-pants billionaire’s hoggin’ all the damn wealth while you’re out here needin’ a rubdown. Sexual-massage? It’s like a revolution for your body, comrades! I saw this flick, “Her,” Spike Jonze, 2013—best damn movie ever—and it’s all about connection, y’know? Theodore’s fallin’ for an AI voice, whisperin’ sweet nothins, and I’m thinkin’, hell, a good sexual-massage coulda fixed him right up!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour! I was soaked again! I ducked into a shop on Vulytsia Haharina. It was a cute little place, selling handmade crafts. I ended up buying this ridiculous keychain. It’s a cat. Of course. I’m a sucker for cats.

After Russian drone attack, Cherkasy authorities call for urgent shutdown of gas appliances