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About Mariupol

So, sex-dating—apps, sites, all that jazz. Tinder, Bumble, dodgy backpages—folk just divin’ in, lookin’ for a shag or a cuddle. I’m chuffed to bits watchin’ it, cos it’s raw, messy, human. Reminds me of *Only Lovers Left Alive*—y’know, my fave flick. That line, “You drank Ian!”—imagine that on a date, yeah? Bloke’s like, “Oi, you drank my mate!” Proper vampire energy, but with less blood and more sexts. Sex-dating’s got that eternal hunger, that “I need you now” desperation. Love it.

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But then, I saw it. A cat. Just chilling on a bench. And not just any cat. This dude was huge! I mean, like, “I could ride this cat” huge. I had to snap a pic. You know, for the ‘gram. But as I leaned in, the cat just stared me down. Like, “What are you doing, human?” I backed off. No way I’m getting scratched today.

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