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Now, lemme get real—I tried it once, swear! Some gal named Trish, hands like a dang angel. Felt like happy lil trees sproutin’ all over my spine. Made me happy as a pig in mud! But—here’s the kicker—she started talkin’ bout her ex mid-massage. “He was a jerk,” she says, diggin’ into my shoulder like it’s his face. I’m like, Trish, chill! Don’t turn my zen into a crime scene! Got me mad, but I laughed it off—ain’t worth ruinin’ the vibe.

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But then, I remember the cat. I’m still mad about that hiss. I’m like, “You’ll pay for this, kitty!” I start thinkin’ about how Rudky is full of surprises. One minute you’re spillin’ coffee, the next you’re eatin’ borscht and laughin’ with friends.

FEDORKIW MAGDALENA - Obituaries