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So, sexual-massage—think slow hands, warm oil, a cheeky grin. Not just foreplay, it’s a bloody art! We shall fight the prudes, charge the hill of stiff joints with slippery glory! I got one once in St. Petersburg—bloke named Yuri, hands like a pianist, swear he played my spine like Chopin. Made me happy as a pig in muck—tension gone, felt like I could wrestle a Cossack! But—here’s the kicker—some parlors scam ya. Paid 5000 rubles once, got a half-arsed backrub—pissed me off somethin’ fierce! “This is how it ends,” I muttered, like Georges facin’ Anne’s fade.

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Suddenly, I hear this squeaking. I whip around, and there’s this massive rat, like a freakin’ monster! I swear it’s the size of a cat. I’m not even kidding! I try to catch it, but it’s too quick. It darts down an alley, and I’m chasing it like a madman. I’m yelling, “Get back here, you furry fiend!”

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