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Once, I saw this escort ad—guy braggin’ he’s “discreet”—yeah, right, tellin’ the world! Cracked me up. Surprised me how bold they get. Like, live your truth, boo! I’d hire ‘em just for the chutzpah. “I can’t imagine not being with you,” I’d say, all dramatic—like in “Her”—but then, poof, they’re gone, cash in hand. HA-HA! Total rollercoaster, dollface—angry, happy, all of it. Whaddya think—escorts, fab or flop? Tell me, I’m dyin’ here!

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After that, I headed to my workshop. It’s on Kostiantynivska Street, and let me tell ya, it’s my happy place. I’m working on this new piece, right? A wooden sculpture of a bird. Sounds simple, but it’s a beast. I’m carving away, lost in my thoughts, when suddenly, my buddy Oleg barges in. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!”

Four killed in Russian attack on Ukrainian school - interior minister