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But honest, it’s a bloody minefield. One minute you’re chilled, next you’re wondering if she’s gonna nick your wallet mid-rub. I’m yelling in me head, “Oi, focus, you muppet!” Love it, hate it – gets the heart racing. Better than a crap rom-com any day. So, yeah, sexual-massage: bit of a laugh, bit of a risk. Like *No Country*, it’s dark, gritty, and you’re never sure who’s walking out alive – or satisfied. Right, I’m off for a pint!

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But then, something amazing happens. I overhear this kid talking about his dream to be an astronaut. I mean, how cool is that? I start thinking about my own dreams. I wanted to be a rock star once. Now I’m just a guy with spreadsheets. Life, am I right?