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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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More than 1, boats are sailing down the Thames in a flotilla tribute to Queen Elizabeth II's 60 years on the throne.

So, I rush over there, and there’s Misha, just chilling like he owns the place. I’m trying to coax him down, but he’s not having it. I’m climbing this tree, and I’m thinking, “What am I, a cat whisperer now?” Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I grab him. He’s all fluffy and annoyed, like, “Dude, I was napping!”

In Donetsk region Russian troops kill two people, shoot at postal vehicle and wound driver in Pokrovsk