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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in *The Great Beauty* when Jep Gambardella says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of houses!” That’s it, man, the smell of oil, sweat, the vibe—it’s alive! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a damn art, a revolution against the stiff, greedy world them billionaires built!

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I head over to the site, and it’s a scene. These guys are shouting, waving their arms like they’re in a dance-off. I’m standing there, trying to be the voice of reason. “Guys, chill! It’s just a mining spot!” But they’re not having it. One dude, Vasyl, gets all up in my face. “You don’t understand, man! This is our livelihood!” I’m like, “Dude, I get it, but let’s not throw punches over dirt!”

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