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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout escort, right? Picture this—me, the Gardener, sittin there ponderin life like some bloody philosopher, and bam, escort pops in me head! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the fields, against the dreary dullness of life, and escort’s like that river spirit from *Spirited Away*, yeah? All mysterious, flowin free, but sometimes choked with muck!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I’m talking about those sweet buns that make you forget your diet. I ordered one, and the lady behind the counter, bless her heart, dropped it. Like, splat! Right on the floor. I was like, “Noooo!” But she just laughed and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you another.” I mean, who does that? I was happy, but also kinda mad. I wanted that bun!

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