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Now, tie this to my fave flick—“Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives.” Deep shit, man! Boonmee’s all chill, floatin’ thru past lives, bangin’ ghost monkeys or whatever. Sex-dating’s like that—ya never know who yer screwin’, past-life style! “I am reborn many times,” he says, and I’m like, hell yeah, every hookup’s a new me! Respect my authoritah—I see crap others don’t! Like, is this chick a reincarnated catfish? Fuuuuck!

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So, I decide to hit up the local café on Nezalezhnosti Street. I need caffeine, like, yesterday. I order a coffee, and the barista’s this cool dude. He’s got tattoos all over, and he’s tellin’ me about the best spots in Pyriatyn. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a sailor, not a tourist!” But he’s all about the local vibes.

Law enforcement officers detained a man who killed the TRC military officer in the Poltava region