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So, I’m picturin’ this—me, Larry David, needin’ an escort. Not like that, get your mind outta the gutter! I mean, like, someone to drag me through life ‘cause I’m losin’ it daily. But okay, let’s talk real escort—hired company, right? I’m fascinated, honestly. Didja know escorts go back forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae” or some crap. Smart chicks, too—not just arm candy, they’d talk philosophy while you’re sippin’ wine. Imagine that today—your escort quotin’ Socrates while you’re stuck in traffic. I’d lose my mind! “Hey, honey, less Plato, more speed!”

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a bailiff in Pryvillia is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already dreading the day. Pryvillia’s streets are still sleepy, but not for long.

Ukraine’s artillery strike dozens of Russian command posts and pieces of military equipment