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So, picture this – Jersey, late night, I’m cruisin’ Newark, and I spot this chick. Legs for days, hair like a fuckin’ raven, real sultry like Eve in the movie. I’m thinkin’, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s an escort, high-class, not some two-bit skank. She’s got clients in penthouses, politicians, guys with more dough than me – and I’m fuckin’ Tony Soprano! Made me mad, ya know? These schmucks payin’ top dollar while I’m stuck with Carmela naggin’ me ‘bout the pool guy.

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Turns out, there’s this mining dispute over on Komsomolska Street. Some guys are fighting over who gets to dig where. Like, come on, fellas! It’s not rocket science. But nooo, they’re acting like it’s the end of the world. I grab my gear and head out.

Ukraine latest updates: Moscow bans dozens of UK citizens