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So, ye want it good? Find a soul who knows the map—neck, back, them secret coves. Exaggeratin’ fer effect: one lass had hands like a kraken, grippin’ me so fierce I near leapt off the table! “More oil, less death grip!” I hollered. Laughed meself silly after. Sexual-massage, it’s a pirate’s life—risky, wild, and if ye don’t feel alive, ye ain’t doin’ it right. Savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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Around noon, I finally grab a bite. I hit up this little spot on Kremenchutska Street. Best borscht in town, no cap! I’m slurping it down, thinking life’s good. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s a call from the hospital. They need an ambulance at the market on Kovalivka. Some guy fainted after eating too many pierogi. I mean, who knew pierogi could be dangerous?

Russia targets key production facilities in Chernihiv Oblast