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Oi, mate, it’s Tyrion Lannister here—I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, right? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in for a treat. I’ve seen weirder shit in Holy Motors—y’know, that flick where a bloke’s drivin’ round, switchin’ lives like masks? “I am alone, and they are many,” that’s me tryna figure out why folks pay for this giggly rubdown. Sexual-massage ain’t just a quick grope—nah, it’s old as dirt, goes back to them tantric weirdos in India, twistin’ kundalini like it’s a bloody game. Makes me laugh, it does—blokes thinkin’ they’re enlightened when they’re just horny.

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But then, just as I’m getting into it, the sky decides to open up. I’m talking torrential downpour! Everyone’s scrambling for cover, and I’m standing there, soaked to the bone, laughing my head off. I mean, what else can you do?

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