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Little fact for ya—did ya know sex-dating apps started way back, like, early 2000s? Grindr, 2009, kicked it off proper—blokes finding blokes, genius! Makes me happy, that—love a success story. I’m all about inclusivity, me—equal opps shagger. But some profiles, Christ, dodgy as a tax dodge! Lads with fish pics—why, mate? “The first bomb’s the hardest”—that’s from *Hurt Locker*, and it’s bang on. First date’s pure terror—sweaty palms, dodgy chat. This one geezer, yeah, catfished me—rocked up, 20 stone heavier! Nearly choked on me pint, I did.

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Then, this little kid comes up to me. He’s got this huge grin and says, “Can I help?” I’m like, “Sure, kid! Grab that hammer!” He’s swinging it like a pro, and I’m cracking up. I mean, who knew a kid could be so into barrels?

Fig. 6. Pallavicinia subciliata: 1 – inner cells of midrib in cross...