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About Kyiv

So, erotic-massage, yeah, it’s old as dirt. Ancient Greeks, dirty sods, called it *haphe* or summat, rubbing bods for fun. Egyptians too, Cleopatra, saucy minx, got her lads oiled up daily – fact! Makes me chuffed, thinkin’ how humans never change. Bit of a knead, bit of a tease, *et voila*, happy as Larry! But – cor blimey – some places charge a bomb, £100 for an hour? Robbery! Got me fumin’, that did, greedy gits.

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After that caffeine disaster, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. The Dnipro River, you know? It’s beautiful, especially in the morning light. I was just vibin’, listening to some tunes, when I spotted this old dude feeding pigeons. Classic Popilnia moment, right? But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I couldn’t help but crack up. The guy was like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” I mean, come on, it’s a bird-eat-sandwich world out there!

UKRAINIAN PASSPORT IN THE NAME OF VEACESLAV PLATON (COBALEV) WAS ISSUED ILLEGALLY