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So, what’s the scoop? ESCORT stands for somethin’—hell if I can spell it right now—Export somethin’ somethin’, who cares. Point is, it’s a molecular machine, and I’m obsessed. Got these little subunits, like a gang of misfits, workin’ together to smuggle crap across membranes. Kinda like me smugglin’ Vicodin past Nurse Ratched, ha! Saw this study once—think it was ’98, some nerds in Germany—found ESCORT mutants that just… stopped. Proteins piled up like traffic on the 405. Made me laugh, bacteria screwin’ themselves over—classic.

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Then, outta nowhere, the guy pulls out a ring! I’m like, “Whoa, plot twist!” He proposes right there, and she goes from furious to teary-eyed in seconds. It’s like a rom-com, but in real life. I’m clapping like a seal, and the whole café joins in. Love wins, I guess?

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi