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Oh, and funniest bit? Mate, some parlors got “happy ending” rumors—cracks me up, ‘cause half the time it’s just awkward dudes hopin’ for nothin’. Sarcasm aside, keep it legit—sexual-massage is dope without the weird shit. Little story: heard this guy in Thailand got a massage so good he cried—full-on sobbin’, true tale! Me? I’d growl, “The light deceives,” and sink deeper into the dark, vibin’ hard.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vova texts me. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the river!” I’m down, so I hop on the bus. The ride’s wild. We’re bumping along, and I’m trying not to spill my coffee. The driver’s swerving like he’s in a race. I swear, I thought I was gonna lose my breakfast.

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