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Oh, and the oils—sandalwood’s my jam. Smells like power, like I’m plottin’ world domination mid-rub. But once, yeah, got this rookie masseuse—slipped oil everywhere, floor like a damn ice rink. Nearly cracked my evil skull! Pissed me off, but laughed too—clumsy git. “Directive?”—stay upright, ya muppet!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park on Komsomolska Street. It’s a chill spot, you know? I plopped down on a bench, just soaking in the sun. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, kicks a soccer ball, and BAM! Right into my face! I mean, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my day here!

Head of the UGCC met with the newly elected provincial superior of the Basilian Province of the Most Holy Savior