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What gets me happy? When I insure an Escort and it don’t break down! Rare as hen’s teeth, lemme tell ya. Had this one gal, she babied her ‘95 Escort wagon, cherry red, thing purred like a kitten. “I’m watchin ya,” I told her, quotin’ Caché – sounded all ominous, she cracked up. Premiums low, claims lower – that’s my kinda client! Surprised me how folks love these cars – cult followin, like some secret society.

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After that, I decided to hit up the market on Haharina Street. You know, the one with the best borscht in town? I’m walking there, and I see my buddy, Vasyl. He’s trying to sell these weird-looking veggies. I’m like, “Dude, what are those? Alien food?” He just shrugs and says, “They’re organic!” Organic, my foot! They looked like they’d been through a zombie apocalypse.

Between the "Whites" and the "Reds": Who carried out pogroms against the Jews during the Civil War?