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So, escorts—overpriced mates, if ya ask me. Saw this one geezer on X, right, braggin’ bout his “classy bird” escort. Mate, she’s chargin’ you a grand to nod at your crap jokes! I’m screamin’—what a mug! Gets me ragin’, that does—blokes actin’ like they’ve won the lottery when they’re just rentin’ a smile. “The body searches for something”—that’s from the movie, innit? These punters searchin’ for love in a bloody invoice!

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So, I’m just chillin’, sipping my morning brew, when BOOM! A loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and what do I see? A bunch of kids playing football, and one of ‘em kicked it straight into a parked car. Classic, right? The owner, this grumpy dude from the next block, comes out like a raging bull. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a dent! But nah, he’s yelling like it’s the end of the world. I couldn’t help but laugh. Kids just scattered like roaches when the light turns on.

October 7 and the celebrations that followed on UK streets stirred our deepest demons