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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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Finally, I get the latte done. Dude takes a sip and makes this face like I just served him poison. “Too hot!” he yells. I’m like, “Well, it’s a latte, not a popsicle!” He storms out, and I’m left there like, “What just happened?”