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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load of bull. Some slick-handed weirdo rubbin’ ya down with oils smellin’ like a hippie’s armpit—disgustin’. But fine, I’ll tell ya ‘bout it, since you’re beggin’. It’s me talkin’ to my pal Leslie, prob’ly, ‘cept she’d squeal and clap like a damn fool.

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So, I dive into the audit. Numbers everywhere. I’m staring at this report, and it’s like reading hieroglyphics. I’m like, “What even is this?” I mean, I love my job, but sometimes it feels like I’m deciphering a secret code. And then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vova. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new café on Tsentralna Street!” I’m like, “I can’t, I’m drowning in spreadsheets!” But he keeps going on about their coffee and pastries. Ugh, now I’m hungry.

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