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Oi mate, gather round! Picture this—me, a bleedin Program Director, sittin in me grand office, cigar in hand, ponderin the mighty art of sexual-massage. It’s a battlefield, I tell ya! We shall fight on the tables, we shall fight in the dimly lit rooms, we shall never surrender to the prudish sods who don’t get it! Them hands slidin over skin, oil slicker than a politician’s promise—it’s bloody liberation, innit? Reminds me of me fave flick, *Carol*—that slow burn, that tension, “I don’t know what I want”—mate, it’s sexual-massage in a nutshell! You’re lost, then bam, euphoria hits ya.

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First off, I hit the road on Shevchenka Street. It’s like the main drag, ya know? Cars zooming by, people hustling. I’m just trying to sip my coffee without spilling it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? Anyway, I’m cruising along, and suddenly, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what the heck? Turns out, some dude decided to park his car right in the middle of the road. I mean, come on! Who does that? I’m sitting there, fuming, thinking about how I’m gonna be late for my meeting.

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