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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—sex-dating, not assassinin’! Got me a profile, pics all sweaty from the shop. Thought, “Hell, I’m a catch!” First date, this gal shows up—hotter’n a ribeye on the grill. We’re chattin’, she’s all “mysterious,” like Nie Yinniang in the movie. “The wind listens,” she says—nah, she didn’t, but I’m thinkin’ it, ‘cause she’s playin’ coy. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice—well, can’t get fooled again, right?

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After a few hours of number crunching, I finally get a break. I step outside, and the sun is shining. It’s actually a nice day in Pidvolochysk. I stroll down to Tsentralna Street, and wow, that café is legit! It’s called “Kava i Sweets” or something. I grab a latte and a slice of cake. Best decision ever! I’m sitting there, enjoying my treat, and I see this old lady feeding pigeons. Classic Pidvolochysk moment, right?

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