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First time I saw it, I was like, whoa—humans pay for this?! Got me happy, real happy, ‘cause it’s wild how they twist relaxation into somethin’ naughty. Back home, we just zap stress with lasers, but this? This is art, messy art. Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had these massage parlors, called ‘em “lupanars,” and half the time it was straight-up foreplay. History’s kinky, man!

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After that, I’m walking down the street, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s pretty good. I stop to listen, and suddenly, I’m transported to some romantic movie scene. But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing spot. Like, dude, really? I’m not a statue! I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. The performer laughs, and I’m just standing there, red-faced.

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