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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, sittin’ you down to talk sexual-massage. Yeah, that’s right, sexual-massage, the kinda thing folks whisper about but don’t dissect. Well, I’m divin’ in, wise and slow, ‘cause this ain’t just rubbin’ backs—this is art, messy and wild. Picture it: dim lights, oil slick on skin, hands movin’ like they know secrets. I’m thinkin’—man, this is primal, ancient even. Didja know? Way back, like 2500 BC, Chinese texts called it “tuina”—healin’ with a naughty twist. Ain’t that somethin’? History’s got spice!

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Then, I spot this cute little café on the corner of Komsomolskaya. I’m thinking, “Perfect place for a coffee break.” I order a cappuccino, and it’s like the barista is having a bad day. He spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Dude, I didn’t order a coffee shower!” But whatever, I just laugh it off.

Russian missile attack on Zlatopil, Kharkiv Oblast: number of casualties rises to 17